You can’t tell by looking at it, but this is one of the best
relationship facilitators I have. That patio and that fire pit serve to bring
people together in ways that don’t often happen otherwise. When you serve a
meal, snacks, or dessert out on the patio or enjoy the glow of the backyard fire
most people become more at ease and begin to forget the stress of the world
around them. It happens with us as a couple, with family members, with a group
of guys, or a gathering of couples. Finding a community of people can be
difficult and for some feels impossible. This past year, while some have
experienced community in new ways, others have felt robbed of the interaction
and ability to gather as they desperately desire.
Sometimes we feel like we just don’t fit with the people
around us. Maybe those around us are athletic and we aren’t into that. Maybe
those in our relational sphere happen to be of a different generation and we
struggle to relate to them. It could be that you are quite introverted and many
of those around you are extreme type-A personalities. Sometimes we just don’t click with
others that are around us. Sometimes it’s that we give up too soon. Whatever it may be that is keeping us from being part of a community is something that is a very real challenge for some of us. But the challenges don't stop there.
Have you felt like the "teathercat" in this picture? Have you felt you’ve taken more slaps and punches than
necessary in regards to relationships? Do you feel like you've been wrapped around the painful relationship pole? Have you been victimized by people close
to you? Have you been on the painful end of gossip, slander, drama that was not
true? It can be extremely difficult to be willing to open up to community because it feels
far too risky to emotionally trust others. When trust has been broken, relationships suffer. Sometimes the effects of that suffering are very hard to overcome. Our natural tendency is to protect ourselves so we withdraw from building relationships and engaging in groups for fear of more pain.
Some of you don’t wish to let others into your circle of
trust because you fear exposure. You may be that person that doesn't really like themselves very much. You may isolate rather than place yourself in any situation where you might have to be vulnerable. "Nobody will like me. Heck, I don't even like me." It
may be that you don’t think others will accept the real you. You want to have others in your life that you can count on, but you wonder who would want to have a relationship with you. "It's not that I don't want to have friends, I just can't seem to get close to anyone." It may be that being close enough to a community of people feels too vulnerable and the risk seems too great. "If anyone knows the
truth about me, the pain would be too much to bear." There is a real fear of light exposing the darkness within and it keeps you from living in community with others. Being alone, while not what we really want, is familiar and thus easier to live with than the unfamiliar idea of letting others in.
It could well be that you just don’t know how to fit
community into your current life situation. It may be that you don't know if you have any more space to allow anyone else into the journey of your life right now. You don't feel like you have room enough for the load you are traveling with. You may work 60 hours a week and
find yourself without time for anyone but yourself. You may be emotionally or physically exhausted
because of what the recent and current chapters of your life demand of you. You may find it necessary
to prioritize other needs and desires over community. Fitting another activity with a group of people into your life just doesn't seem realistic or even pleasurable, for that matter.
Friends, While all of that makes perfect sense, hear this: God has created you for community. Yes, it's true. Within your very being is the innate need to be part of a group of people. The Bible tells
us that we are created in God's image. "So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God He created them; male and female He created them" (Gen. 1:27 NIV). The Bible teaches us that God, in His
divine essence, is community Himself; Father, Son, and Holy Spirit;
Three-in-One. We have been created for community to reflect the image of our
Creator. The three natures of God all share the same attributes. They each also
display different qualities of their nature in different times and
circumstances. God the Father demonstrates unbelievable creativity, extreme
jealousy, and reckless love. Jesus the Son demonstrates perfection beyond
belief, grace beyond measure, and commitment beyond possibility. The Holy
Spirit demonstrates sensitivity that cannot be matched, conviction that is uncomfortable,
and wisdom that cannot be comprehended.
Friends, you need a community of others around you. We need other people with whom we do life. We need others that we can
have fun with; people that we can laugh with and enjoy life with. I think of
the “chance” meeting my wife and I had on Friday night when we went to listen to a friend
play music and ended up with a group of people we knew that we laughed with and
thoroughly enjoyed the evening with. We need relationships with others that
stretch us to think and challenge us to get beyond our selfishness. We need a community that gives us the opportunity to serve others and to give back. I even think of my own family, each
person created uniquely and each one facing their own unique circumstances in life.
At times I am stretched and challenged by their actions and their beliefs. At times I am challenged to have the courage to pour into them rather than watch them from the sidelines. Honestly, at times I am challenged to love them with the same love the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit have loved me.
Friends, community is a huge part of
what helps us overcome and rise to be that person we made us to be. We need men and women like those in the Sunday night prayer group that I meet with weekly; men and women who pray together regularly. Some of them I have never met in person and I don't know their stories. But we share in a commitment to meet for a common purpose. How many times have you needed someone to cry with, someone to confess to,
someone to ask advice of? Some of you have been greeted by inspired members of
your community who have given a timely “I love you”; “You’re going to make it”;
“I forgive you”; “You can keep going.” We need others to lift us up at those
times we unable to stand on our own. We need others to believe for us during those
times when our faith is waning. We need a community of men and women we can count on when the going gets tough. We were designed for this.
It was Barbra Streisand who made popular these lyrics,
“People, People who need
people,
Are the luckiest people in
the world.
We're children, needing
other children.
And yet letting a grown-up
pride
Hide all the need inside
Acting more like children
than children.
A feeling deep in your soul
Says you were half now you're whole.
No more hunger and thirst
First be a person who needs people.
People who need people
Are the luckiest people in the world.”
- from Funny Girl 1964 Broadway musical, Songwriters: Carmine Appice / Mark Stein / Tim Bogert / Vincent Martell People lyrics © Warner Chappell Music, Inc
The need for community is so evident that it has been
proclaimed not only from the pulpits of America but on the Broadway stage. Television sitcoms and dramatic movies have portrayed the benefits of community. Therapists have recommended group activities as being life-giving for those who struggle and addicts find hope in regularly meeting with those whom they relate to on a deep level. As amazing as that is, truth is truth, whether those who speak it, or
in Streisand's case, sing it, realize it or not.
One of the gifts of 2020 for me was a new understanding and experience of community. It was marked by inserting myself in a new community that functions in a way I have never been a part of before. It was marked by stepping away from a community where I had responsibilities and was now free from the weight that comes from such things. 2021 has been marked by the call to try to facilitate a new community, one we are trying to grow from scratch, starting at the ground floor. We have yet to see what that is going to look like and who it is going to include. We are taking faithful and sometimes courageous steps to rally around others and invite them to rally around us. It is an exciting and challenging new journey, to say the least.
So the next time you are invited to someone's patio or offered the opportunity to sit around a backyard firepit, just think about whether it would be better for you to be alone or if just maybe you need what these people have to offer or can give what these people may be needing you to give.
Thanks for reading,
